"I'm pretty sure somebody hid the final paragraph of my essay on a shelf I can't reach, but I don't want to jump to conclusions."
"A guy is taking his girlfriend to prom. He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but gets them. He goes to rent a limo. The rental line is really long but he eventually does it. He goes to buy her flowers. The line at the florist is really long but eventually he gets the flowers. At prom, she asks him to go get punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there's no punchline."
"Hey girl, are you running out of breath? Cuz' you've been running through my mind."
"Hey girl, are you the Snow White to my queen? Cuz' I want your heart."
"Four guys are on a boat with four cigarettes and no lighter. So what do they do? They throw one cigarette off board and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter!"
Wasn't that horribly great?